Top 5 Toys-For-Boys Gift Suggestions (Sex Toys, that is)

One of the great gender inequities of our time is how men and women view masturbation.  Women have a plethora of aids to get them to the Big O, from bullets to rabbits to pocket rockets to magic wands to G-spot vibes to the industrial-strength Sybian -- but dudes usually still just stick to Rosy Palm and her four sisters.

This year, skip the neckties . . . unless he's into bondage!
These are the "toys" your "naughty boy" wants in
his stocking this year!  Don't disappoint!

But fear not, ladies!  If you're looking for a sexy gift for your dude before you go on deployment, start working more overtime, or are in the late stages of pregnancy and have been put on bed rest, then here is Uncle Ian's Guide To High Quality Whacking Off Toys Designed For Dudes.  Sex Toys for Boys.

1. The Head Honcho

"Wow!  I've never seen a girl use both hands before!"

Known in the industry as "strokers" or "masturbators" these "pocket pussies" are the staple of the strokin' joes out there.  The Head Honcho and its derivatives are particularly popular for their feel and ease of cleaning.  The interior has some just lovely soft ridges that keep Mr. Happy's friction addiction under control.  While the pliable exterior gets a little slippery with the addition of extra lube (you don't want your dude to do the Honcho dry unless he's a Real Man and wipes his ass with 100 grit sandpaper), if you can keep ahold of it this is one of the better strokers on the market.  At just a hair over $20, it's an ideal stocking stuffer.

Suggested Use: Next time your allergies act up, instead of a blowjob grab the Head Honcho, some lube, and hunker down between your dude's knees.  Stare up adoringly at him while you ply the toy on his business end until the inevitable explosion of joy.  Clean up, kiss him on the forehead, and make noises like he's been an especially good boy.

2. The Fleshlight

The Fleshlight:
the closest thing to real fresh pussy
a man can get without buying someone dinner.

In the vein of the Honcho comes the Fleshlight, the more upscale version of a stroker.  The Fleshlight not only has a realistic front and incredible ridging inside, it also has a rigid exterior that makes it much easier to grip.  It's also larger than the Honcho, able to accommodate most gigantic cocks.  But it's much heavier, too.  Repeated use can lead to the overdevelopment of the wrist and forearm.  It's biggest advantage is that it looks like a simple flashlight from four feet away -- handy for when your mother-in-law drops by unexpectedly.  Cleaning is more complex than the Honcho, but the strokage is worth the mess.

Suggested Use:  This toy is suitable for the serious stroker -- the type of thing you give your dude before a long business trip.  Watch him use it on himself, try it for him, or affix it somehow to a raised surface so he can bang merrily away at it without his arm getting tired.  Use LOTS of lube, though -- this thing is big.

3. Sasha Grey Deep Throat Stroker

Don't feel like giving hubby head this weekend?  Let Sasha do it, instead!  This realistic stroker is elastic, plush, and soft on his tool, and it's modeled from international pornstar and model Sasha Grey!  The bad news?  It probably gives a better blowjob than you do.  The good news?  Your boobs are probably bigger than Sasha's.

Suggested Use: Try this one in the middle of the night: get your dude erect without waking him up, then lube this thing and slip it on him as quietly as possible.  See how far you can get him before he wakes up. You can either finish him this way or climb on to ride him to dawn.

4. The Assifier

Word of Advice:
When approaching anal play with your husband,
consider starting with something on the small side.
 Larger toys might prove intimidating.

While your fella might be too homophobic to consider much butt play, the fact is he has an organ akin to your clitoris up his ass . . . and the first time it gets tagged right, it feels phenomenal.  If your dude is willing to consider a little up-the-butt experimentation, consider stuffing this cute little toy . . . in his stocking.  You can even let him think you got it to use on you . . . until it's too late.  The Assifier is not gargantuan -- it's designed for beginners in anal play, and afterwards you won't feel like the prettiest boy on the cellblock.  Its also easy to clean and is shaped to hit that sweet spot on most dudes.

Suggested Use: Moments before he climbs on, give him a quick refresher handy and while he's moaning slip this thing inconspicuously near to his back door.  If he doesn't panic and start weeping, lube it up and push it gently in all the way before you do the deed.  Let me assure you, there's nothing like having your prostate stimulated . . . and doing it while you're balls-deep in pussy really diminishes the whole homoerotic aspect of it. (Or maybe not . . . no telling what he thinks about when he's whacking).

5. Screaming O Vibrating Ring

For additional stimulation, try playing with
his ice hole.

This little disposable vibe fits into a cockring that places it right around your clitoris, so that while you and your dude are bumping uglies, this little demon is dancing on your clit as its being pounded by his pubic bone.  The vibe isn't particularly strong, but once its in proximity to the man in the boat it can work wonders.  At this price you can afford a couple to experiment with.  You'll get 2-3 uses out of it before the batteries die, and you can replace them, if you like, with regular watch batteries.  Some women find the stimulation level too low to orgasm from the vibe alone, however.  But as a complement to some serious missionary or cowgirl scrumping, this thing can ring your bell a couple of extra times, as well as keep him erect, hard, and thrusting manfully.

Suggested Use: visit him at lunch time for a surprise conference.  Wear something severe and businesslike, then when you shut his office door, get on your knees, suck him erect, and slide this thing down to the base.  Then mount him without removing your clothes (skirt, no panties, natch) and let the quiet little buzzer help increase the passion of the moment.  He can keep it in his desk as a souvenir of the occasion . . . or in case of a repeat visit.

SPECIAL BONUS GIFT SUGGESTION: FOR THE LADIES!

"Tha's right, fellas . . . Martha can take the whole thing!"

Every woman in the world needs to try out a Rabbit vibrator at least once.  The combination of clitoral stimulation and friction along the G-Spot create legendary orgasms . . . and if your girl doesn't have one, nothing says "I love you, I'm secure in my masculinity, and I want to watch while you get your solo freak on" better than a Rabbit.  The Whirlpool Rotating Rabbit Vibe is a mid-grade model, not as cheap as the cheap ones and not as elaborate as the really complicated ones -- but it does the damn job just fine.  With vibrations and rotations and flickers and shivers, this battery-powered honeymoon-in-your-hand will take your clit on new adventures you can only dream of.  Fellas, if you are drawing a blank about a kinky Christmas gift, you can't go wrong with this one.

Oh, and LUBE.  Get some.  Get a lot.  There will never be a time in your life when you won't need lube.


And, just 'cause it's the season . . . consider adding the raunchy yet seasonal porn DVD A Christmas Orgy to your list.  Perfect for the naughty boy, this one-scene multiple-elf throwdown includes Ron Jeremy as Jolly Ol' Saint Nick (St. Dick?) who gets his elvish workforce righteously laid after Mrs. Clause runs off.  It's good clean porny Christmas fun!

Labor Day Weekend Porn Recommendations!

Some Recent Good "Couples Porn" Flicks For Your Consideration

It's been a while since I've done anything over here, since I've been working diligently on my relationship site, the Red Pill Room, so I thought I'd take the Labor Day opportunity to make a few over-due recommendations.

I get a lot of requests for recommendations for good porn.  The problem is, what constitutes “good porn” varies incredibly.  Usually I have to ask some follow-up questions: do you watch alone, or with someone else?  Is it masturbatory or purely foreplay?  What are a few of your favorite types of scenes?  Do you value production values and pretty people over authenticity and “real” people?  The answer to each and every one of these questions further influences my particular recommendations.  So you can imagine how hard it might be to recommend half-a-dozen good recent flicks, even within the categories “couples friendly” (usually meaning not a lot of anal and a little more cunnilingus) and “entertaining”.

Still, I’m a professional, and I do have my personal faves from the regular avalanche of porn I wade through every month.  The last several months have produced a decent number of quality pictures, although I doubt anyone will like them all and most of you will only prefer a few of them.  Porn is highly subjective.

But in no particular order, here are my recent faves, along with good reasons why. 

(DISCLAIMER: the links in this post go straight to a NSFW porn site.  Don’t click if you’re going to get in trouble or are offended by . . . well, naked people having sex.  I can’t even guarantee it will be good sex.  There are two sites I link to, mostly, AdultMovieMart.com and VideoGold.com.  

Adult Movie Mart is a straight-up sales site, where you can simply purchase DVDs by mail or rent-on-demand on your computer.  Adult Movie Mart is the online presence of the venerable Video Mail catalog, which has been selling good wholesome porn to the people of America (except certain jurisdictions in the South) since 1983.  Yes, you read that right.  It's a 30 year old porn company that is not only still in business, but has packs of rabid customers.  It helps that virtually every purchase comes with a free gift, a discount, or both.

Video Gold is an Adult Movie Club, just like those book and record clubs.  It's actually a pretty decent deal: you become a member and get three movies for less than $12 (+S&H) -- and their premium selection is choice.  Once you're a member, you have an obligation to purchase at least two more flicks in the next 12 months.  Every month they'll send you the Video Gold Main Attraction, which you can open and accept or return unopened and decline.  If you keep it (and it's almost always keepable and collectible) then you get charged and you fulfill one obligation.  If you decline it online or return it, there's no charge.  You also get a monthly catalog full of other selections and plenty of special deals and discounts and free gifts -- VG is pretty lavish, and they try to get the absolute best in every specialty niche market.  But their prices are lower than video-store prices, their selection is arguably better, and sometimes it's just nice to go out to the mailbox and discover a new porn video arrived.  

What I CAN guarantee is that there will be no pop-ups, viruses, or other hazards at this site(s).  These are people I work for, and although I don’t make a commission off of sales I do feel it’s appropriate to mention that they have my personal trust.  I’d not only let them have sex with my computer, I’d even call them the next day.  But yes, I do work for them.  They sell porn.  You’ve been warned.

ALSO: This weekend ONLY, one of the sites, adultmoviemart.com, is having a $1.95 blowout sale on 48 hour on-demand rentals.  That means you can watch virtually any of 1000 porn titles for less than two bucks, and have access to them for two days (in case you get. . . "distracted".  Considering most VOD sites charge in 15 minute or 5 minute increments, for those of you who like a little more entertainment in their Adult Entertainment, this is an excellent opportunity to experiment a little with some stuff you might not have ordinarily picked up at the dirty book store.  $59.95 for a DVD!?!  You have got to be kidding me!  End of disclaimer.)

Romance Picks (If You Aren’t Sure Where To Start…)

You might want to consider Intimate Encounters.  Well-shot and well-produced, this DVD packs five super hot, newbie-friendly scenes featuring some terribly pretty people.  Shot as individual vignettes (a popular style for these types of romance-oriented films) these five scenes range from the soft and gentle to the delightfully dirty.  Best yet, it’s offered with a $4.95 2-day rental option, direct to your computer, which lets you stop between vignettes for oral sex or ice cream or a bathroom break, as you see fit, and return to it later.

Other well-produced Romantic porn flicks:

Almost Heaven

Fallen (Wicked -- about a really hot fallen angel)

The Dinner Party (An early 90s film that's one of A&E's best-all-time-sellers)

A Touch Of Seduction (a rare well-produced series of romantic vignettes featuring African American performers)

If You Liked 50 Shades…

For those who got hot-and-bothered by the bondage-and-submission of Fifty Shades of Grey, yet weren’t turned off by the vapid prose, consider the just-released The Truth About O.  This modern continuation of the classic BDSM tale features performer/director Bobbi Starr as O, a woman devoted to BDSM and erotic submission.

Starr is out to find a sister slave to help her please her master, James Deen. The dialogue isn’t delivered that well – remember, this is porn, if these folks had serious acting chops they’d be . . . well, acting -- but the gorgeous people and moderately intense action will make up for that for most of you. 

Beautiful Asian performer Asa Akira becomes the object of Starr’s desire, and Deen is pleased to see submissive Starr fondling the pussy of a rope-bound Akira as he meets her for the first time – and note that there will always be a fair amount of girl-girl in most bondage flicks, as boy-girl bondage is still considered obscene, lascivious, and a violation of local standards in some jurisdictions. But it’s completely consensual: Akira loves the fingering and oral she gets from pretty Bobbi Starr, and at one point would pretty much promise anything to get Deen’s cock in her pussy, she’s so turned on.  And that’s when things get a little crazy.  Akira gets a suction tube used on her tits and clit until she’s begging for an orgasm, and Starr gets hung upside down by her ankles to give Deen head.  There is some un-bound anal that’s well-done here.  Asa Akira clearly her time with Deen’s cock.  Then Bobbi Starr presents herself as a temporary gift to well-hung master Danny Wylde … and she’s the kind of gift that arrives with a glass plug in her ass (hint for Christmas, Mrs. I!). Starr is surprisingly tied up during her anal with Danny, and it’s a good one.  And there’s a fair amount of spanking, too: Starr flogs Krissy Lynn to warm her up for a powerfully intense interracial screw with Nat Turnher. Another good girl-girl scene shows hottie Justine Joli getting bound with rope and suspended by Claire Adams before Adams decides to eat Joli out. Then a bound Joli eats out Adams and Joli has a strap-on put on her so that Adams can ride her. But that’s not all—the girls break out a homemade “screwing machine” for more toy play.

Over-all this is about as hot and intense a bondage film as mainstream porn has produced – you have to go to overseas outlets or the bowels of the internet to find comparable fare, and bondage films usually lack the production values in this one.  Starr handles the camera as well as she performs in front of it, and the female direction may give a better woman’s perspective on the scenes (although they seemed pretty damn hot to me).  And to give you a more objective assessment, Adult Video News (the Variety of the pornosphere) gave it 4 out of 5 As.  If 50 Shades gave you a bad case of dewy-panties, this might be your next step on your path towards sexual servitude . . . or just a really hot date-night flick.

Folks who don’t like BDSM, whips, chains, spanking, anal, girl-girl, or often-authentic orgasms should stay away from it.  And note that the “rent it now” option gives you 48 hours internet access to it at adultmoviemart.com, if you want to watch it without buying it outright.  That’s two days to start-and-stop while you practice trying things out.  But the DVD price is comparable or lower than your local adult video store (and doesn’t even have a sticky floor) and you will almost always get either a discount, a free gift, or both with your order. 

Also see: The Surrender of O (Bree Olson)

               Bound

               Fit To Be Tied: Alexis Ford

               Nina Hartley's Guide To Erotic Bondage

               Nina Hartley's Guide To Bondage Sex

If You Liked Spartacus: Blood & Sand and 300…

If you liked 300 or Spartacus, you might enjoy The Four, a kind of XXX sequel to 300.  It received a rare AAAAAs from the critics at AVN.  Although the shooting, post-production, and distribution of the picture was hung up for years, the result is both erotic and visually pleasing, with a feel like of mainstream epic from the '50s or '60s. 

The Four in the title  (Brea Bennett, Renee Perez, Nikki Kane, Cassidey) are women of Sparta avenging the death of their king after the battle of Thermopylae (that the battle featured in the mainstream film 300 – the flick that launched a million gym memberships). Queen Gorgo (Brea Bennett), mourning her husband King Leonidas (Charles Dera), has a couple of super hot flashbacks to better, happier (and sexier) times with him that are both hot and well-shot.  But then after Thermopylae the queen and her ladies bargain with a shaman for the powers of a warrior for all four—a service for which the shaman takes a comely blonde servant as payment.  (No, he doesn’t give back two brunettes in change, although I’m sure it would be amusing). 

The sex scenes waver between stylized and realistic, with a soft camera focus giving way to tight close-ups and very contemporary-sounding groans and squeals. Sometimes the scenes are back-to-back, like when three harem girls take each other on as a prologue to Alexis Love's set-to with Xerxes—a studly Marco Banderas (with a sash tied around his hips hiding his contemporary tattoo).  Along with the sex scenes are sequences of dramatic exposition, including Brea Bennett vowing her revenge and imagining how sweet victory will taste, and Xerxes “defiling” his high priestess (and that’s quite a defiler in his loincloth) to punish her for failing to stop the Four.

As the Four get ready to attack Xerxes, the Queen leaves Plataea (Nikki Kane) behind to watch Xerxes' death from afar so she can report back to Sparta and pass along the story to her yet-unborn children. Approaching Xerxes' palace through a wilderness, Queen Gorgo meets the recently-defiled high priestess, who tells the Queen of a secret passage to Xerxes' chambers. As the Three remaining amazons avenge Sparta by killing Xerxes, Plataea sees herself with King Leonidas, leading to a triumphant ending, their son representing a reborn Sparta free of Persian influence.

The moody, stylish photography and close-up scale gives The Four the feel of an "intimate epic" – much like Starz’s Spartacus series. The production values are lavish, the original music and eye-catching scenery conspire with a stentorian scene-setting narration to build layers of depth not often seen in a porn flick.  If “going Greek” is your style, then this epic fantasy will likely please you.

See Also: Private's Gladiator (old, Euro, but entertaining)

This Ain't Conan XXX

                

If You Liked The Princess Bride…

While some people don’t see fairy tales as erotic, the Grimm brothers certainly knew them for what they were: cautionary folk tales designed to help keep a lid on sexual tensions in later adolescence.  The medieval flavor of fairy tales gives them a certain dreamy quality in our minds, and this is the vibe Wicked Pictures taps into when it produced The Craving and The Craving II. 

Both flicks are adult fairy tales, which is actually not a new concept in porn.  But while previous treatments tried to make the stories farcical, Wicked’s adept director Brad Armstrong keeps it serious, erotic, and explosively sexy. 

Wicked and Armstrong have a long-running relationship which has allowed the award-winning Armstrong a lot more freedom than many porn directors.  And Wicked’s signature contract girl, Jessica Drake, delivers incredible performances in both films.  There’s a little anal, a lot of oral, and gorgeous, gorgeous costuming.  Acting is minimal – these vignettes aren’t particularly wordy – but the sex is scalding.  Either one of them would be good date-night fare.

If You Liked Pretty Woman…

Let’s face it, if you’re feeling sexy, often you want your porn to reflect something, well, sexual.  And there’s not much more sexual than prostitution.  Portrait of a Call Girl is a quite-entertaining, erotic, well-produced and (in places) intense feature story of one young woman’s rise to become a high-end call girl.  Of course she has to go through some deliciously nasty places before she gets there, but adorable newcomer Jessie Andrews does a magnificent job.

She stars as Elle, a call girl haunted by her troubled past (aren’t there any hookers from quiet, well-adjusted suburban families?) . After getting kicked out of her house when she busts her stepdad cheating, she uses her boyfriend Sam to break into her parents house launching her life of crime.  Before long she’s working the streets of the big city, turning tricks on streetcorners. 

But is she doomed to a life of tragedy?  Or can sex act as a redemptive act, as well as a business proposition to a hooker?  Elle moves from one steamy liaison with her tricks to another, finding pleasure, pain, excitement, and intrigue in the process.  Slowly but surely she rebuilds her shattered life into something she can be at peace with.  It takes a certain kind of woman to thrive as a call girl – and Elle proves she’s the hooker with the heart of gold in the end.  Extremely well-produced and expertly directed, Portrait Of A Call Girl skips the moral judgment or “cautionary tale” route and looks instead at the intense sexuality of the world’s oldest profession.

If You Are A Hardcore Nerd…

Believe it or not, there’s actually some original sci-fi made out in Chatsworth (that’s the “Hollywood of Porn”, for you novices.  Being a nerd, I’m kinda sensitive to that sort of thing, so when it happens, I like to see it. Here are a few of the (sometimes comically funny) attempts at doing original sci-fi in porn.

2040 – Wicked Pictures

This is probably the best original sf/porn flick to date: it’s a near-future movie about the end of porn.  That is, it’s about how fully-animated and fully functional physically perfect sexbots (“anibots”) might impact the porn industry.  It’s fascinating, thought-provoking, well-produced (Wicked, duh) and deliciously nasty.  It features Alektra Blue who is freakin’ fantastic – seriously, some of her best work – and Randy Spears as his own grandson, Ryan Spears.  It won 3 AVN awards and got an impressive AAAAA.

The 8^th Day – Adam & Eve Productions

Post-apocalyptic epic starring Kayden Kross from Adam & Eve.  Won AVN award for best picture.  I am legally obligated not to comment on this picture.  It’s complicated.

If you liked Pirates of the Carribean…

…then you might like one of the most expensive porn flicks ever made, the hugely, insanely popular Pirates.  It won virtually every award it possibly could, and the soft-core version is hugely popular on the cable channels.  Plus, it's on sale -- $20.00 off the retail price!

If you liked . . . virtually anything you saw on television in the last 30 years…

Then you might like PARODIES!  That’s right, if you’re a fan of a mainstream show, then odds are it’s been parodied in the last few years.  Porn Parodies are seen by the industry as kind of “gate-way porn”, a way to introduce the pornless to big dicks and big boobs in a friendly, entertaining manner. 

Each of these was a unique piece, and the quality really depends upon just how attached the director was to the original show.  But if you were a Buffy fan, for instance, you won’t want to miss the Parody and be the only one in the Whedonverse to miss it.  Without further fanfare, and in no particular order, here are a smattering of some of the porn parodies that have popped up in the last few years:

Television

Buffy The Vampire Slayer (A&E - good...but where the hell is my Firefly parody?!?)

The Beverly Hillbillies (A&E)

Dallas (A&E)

The A-Team (A&E)

Sex And The City (New Sensations - I wonder what they'll talk about . . . ?)

Star Trek: The Original Series (Hustler - Exceeds expectations -- and it has Aurora Snow!)

Star Trek: The Original Series 2 (sequel to above)

Star Trek: The Next Generation (Digital Sin)

Home Improvement (A&E)

The Golden Girls (New Sensations - GILFs. My eyes, they burn...)

Charmed (Hustler)

The Big Bang Theory (New Sensations)

True Blood (New Sensations) 

Married, With Children (Hustler - I mean, how could they not?)

The Dukes Of Hazzard (Vouyer Media - YEEEE-haaa!)

I Love Lucy (Hustler -- and it's good.  No, really.)

That 70s Show (New Sensations)

The Jeffersons (Metro)

Seinfeld (New Sensations - a porn about nothing)

The Office (New Sensations)

I Dream Of Genie (Venom)

Gilligan's Island (Hustler)

Three's Company (Hustler)

The Partridge Family (Hustler) 

Bewitched (X-Play)

The Munsters (Hustler)

Mork & Mindy (DreamZone)

Good Times (Evasive Angles)

Movies

Tomb Raider (Exquisite)

Zorro (Pleasure Dynasty)

Star Wars (Vivid - The ultimate porn parody -- got 5 As from AVN)

Ghostbusters (Hustler)

Avatar (Hustler - The best blue-on-blue sex I've seen since The Smurfs)

Shaft (3rd Degree - You're damn right!)

Anchorman (New Sensations - Funny as hell)

Rocky (A&E)

Saturday Night Fever (Exquisite)

Rocky Horror Picture Show (Wicked - It's just a jump to the left...)

Friday (Zero Tolerance) 

Bridesmaids (Smash Pictures)

Indiana Jones (A&E)

Cartoons

The Simpsons (Hustler - because once you go yellow...)

Scooby Doo (New Sensations - Ruh-Roh!)

The Smurfs (Oh, Gods, yes they did.  And yes, Smurfette gets smurfed in the smurf...and she loves it!)

Family Guy (Full Spread Entertainment)

The Flinstones (New Sensations)

Superheroes

The Avengers (Vivid)

Batgirl (Extreme Comixxx -- and Sunny Lane's last movie)

Ironman (Extreme Comixxx - and they used the expensive $7000 suit, not the cheap $300 suit)

Spider Man (Vivid)

Supergirl (Extreme Comixxx)

The Incredible Hulk (Vivid)

Justice League (Extreme Comixxx)

Superman (Vivid)

Dark Knight (the Heath Ledger Batman)

Batman (Vivid - Think "Adam West")

Catwoman (Bluebird)

That’s my list for now – a good place to start, depending upon your idea of adult entertainment.   If you have further questions, let me know.

Oh, and the Adultmoviemart.com site (disclaimer: I work for them) is having a Labor Day Weekend Sale on all of their on-demand movies.  For two bucks you can see just about any of 1000 adult movies on-demand on your computer or other device for 48 hours.  And you don’t even have to sneak into the adult video store at 4:00am to keep you neighbors from seeing you.  

You can’t beat that with a stick.

Fan Contest: Win A Copy of Tomb Raider XXX!

One of my porn-savvy fans clued me into this deal this morning and I felt compelled to share.

Basically, it's a way to win a FREE copy of Tomb Raider XXX: An Exquisite Films Parody and some autographed promotional posters -- and when is high-quality free porn EVER a bad idea? I've checked it out, and it gets my hearty Sex Nerd stamp of whackworthiness. And it has enough of a plot to keep you from fast-forwarding through the non-nekkid parts, and the action sequences are pretty good too . . . for porn.

Male Birth Control: It's Here, And It's A Game Changer

Reposted from The Red Pill Room, my other blog.

Oh, my.

I stumbled across this link today, and after I read it the world wobbled the way it does when my relatively straight-forward idea of how the future is going to play out gets challenged.  Like this.

Quite simply, it is a male birth-control procedure, essentially a temporary (10 years) vasectomy that can be easily and cheaply administered and easily and cheaply removed.

And it's going to change everything.

Most people don't realize just how profound the change was when a large segment of society got access to reliable birth control the first time.  Simply put, this wonderful biochemical gift enabled female hypergamy and plenty of lusty evenings without worrying about the possibility of pregnancy.  That allowed married couples to limit the number of kids they had and devote more resources per capita, thus improving the next generation's socio-economic circumstances.  Or it allowed your wife to go sleep with that dude with the 12" pecker next door and not get knocked up.  Either way, it was an official Game Changer, like industrialization, digital technology, or liberalized divorce laws.

Of course, with the assumption that the woman you were doing was, indeed, on birth control and took it like a responsible adult has led to many unplanned pregnancies.  Indeed, it's always been the ambitious girl's fall-back plan: find some rich dude, fuck him, get pregnant, let him support her and the kid so she doesn't have to work so hard.  Sure, it sounds shallow and conniving, but I've heard plenty of women (and some die-hard feminists -- I shit you not) declare that as their plan.  And with abortion legal, it really puts the male in question in an unenviable and untenable spot.  Sure, a woman has a right to choose to become a parent -- and I'll support that to my dying breath -- but if a dude wanted to skip that part, he was pretty much at the mercy of the mother in question, and had to live with the result of her decision no matter what his opinion was. As a dude, your best cover is a condom, and they are not (as my brother discovered) 100% effective.  Especially not if the woman in question is deceitful enough to "slip one past the goalie".

But no more.

With this procedure, you could get your 15 year old testosterone-poisoned son "temporarily fixed", teach him Game, and turn him loose on the unsuspecting female public with a box of condoms and you don't have to worry about grandchildren until he's 25.  Hilarity ensues.

What happens when every dude in High School is suddenly shooting blanks?  A drop in teenage pregnancy, for certain, but a sharp rise in pump-and-dump spectaculars.  And girls won't even have the pregnancy scare to fall back on.  They're going to have to work and compete for male attention among the boys, who won't be nearly as terrified of sex anymore -- and dudes who know Game will know how to exploit that.

As soon as this clears clinical trials, I'm looking into it for my sons.  If I can get them the HPV vaccine, then this seems a no-brainer.  I want grandkids, of course, but I want them in the proper time when my kids can properly support them.  This way, I can ensure that won't be until they have decent jobs and have played their way through the Puerarchy.

But it's not the teenage girls who are going to have it the worst.  This is going to hit the 30-something-and-only-five-eggs-left women who use one-night-stands as a last-ditch effort to get pregnant.  I know two such who went that route.  In the future, no more.

The other group this will hurt, in the long run, are feminists.  If men can ensure that they are infertile until they desire to have kids, then the onus of reproduction AND relationships suddenly goes back to the male, in a startling shift of power.  You'll see wives begging their husbands to get un-fixed so that they can have a baby, and men deciding to wait until they're ready.  That's going to put some stress on some relationships, of course,  but it's also going to remove the power of women to dictate to men when, where and how they are going to have kids, and who pays for them.  And feminists (at least the current Fourth Wave crop) are going to go fucking bananas about this, when they realize that.

It should be fun to watch.

BREAKING NEWS: Ontario's Supreme Court Legalizes Brothels!

CNN has the full scoop here, but it looks like Ottawa might just become a much more appealing convention destination. And I foresee Windsor implementing this ruling in such a way to bring in a lot of day-trippers -- which makes Detroit suddenly more interesting again.

It's never been easier to cheat, folks. I foresee more jurisdictions considering decriminalizing or out-right legalizing prostitution as a tonic for an anemic local economy. The internet has already made it quasi-legal, depending upon jurisdiction. And hook-up culture and Craig's List have blurred the distinction between hardened professional and the thrill-seeking stranger-danger enthusiast. But I see this as a positive thing. With legal -- and presumably well-regulated -- brothels, the underground sex-slave trade variety that everyone despises would go out of business in the face of legitimate competition.

If nothing else, at least these sex-workers will have safer work environments now. That's a good thing any way you look at it.

"Dear Abby . . . " Gets Larry Flynt's Opinion On Porn. No, Really.

Gotta love this. Dear Abby consults Larry Flynt (!) on an issue of pornology. (NSFW -- duh!)

It was inevitable, as porn goes mainstream, that it would come up in polite conversation, and as arbiter of all things advicey, Dear Abby naturally couldn’t help advise someone who had a porn question.

Basically, it was the typical “Why do men like porn so much?” question women ask, as if there was one right answer. The venerable Mr. Flynt rose about the temptation to make a cheap shot or a joke and gave the industry-respected and approved answer:

Men like porn so much because we like to look at naked chicks (we’re more visually stimulated). Women like written erotica because they like to read about rich, successful vampires/werewolves with giant dicks and billions in the bank – but who only have eyes for the slightly-nerdy-but-irresistible-to-everyone heroine.

Dear Abby deferred to Flynt’s judgment on the matter, as well she should. But it marks an important watershed moment in our society, when the most rarified elements of middle-America social instruction are discussing the merits of boobies.

It makes me proud to be an American.

This Just In: Porn Doesn't Cause Rape

An outstanding post over at Porn For Women by the esteemed Ms. Naughty shows some pretty intriguing statistics for all of those who assume that more porn = more rape. In fact, the opposite is true. Ms. Naughty pulls out a couple of impressive statistics to back her up, but among the most telling is this:

One of the more interesting academic articles dealing with this issue is by Anthony D’Amato from Northwestern University School of Law. His paper Porn Up, Rape Down discusses the idea that there was an 85% reduction in sexual violence over the 25 years to 2003 (and the rate has kept falling since the paper was published). He goes on to posit that not only does porn NOT cause rape, he suggests that it may actually reduce rape, either by serving as a release valve or by demystifying sex. He concedes that the correlation does not equal causality and suggests further research.

So he can definitely say that Porn doesn't cause rape, or even encourage the levels violent rape, statistically speaking. But I'm gonna call it: Porn reduces rape. More of those violent meat-heads who once prowled the parks and streets in search of sexual release are now whacking off to German dungeon porn and Brazilian fart porn and Japanese . . . well, you-name-it porn, a bag of Fritos on their belly and a box of tissues at their side. If nearly free on-line internet porn helps reduce the number of women who suffer sexual assaults every year, then I for one don't think that's too high of a price to pay.

But next time a feminist or white knight gets in your face about porn "contributing to rape culture", haul this little statistic out. In point of fact, porn has reduced violent rape (either that or "abstinence-only" education is the reason, take your pick) which should, in any reasonable person's mind, be the ultimate measure of "rape culture".

The problem is that too many feminists over the years -- and especially the current Old Guard feminists -- have tried to broaden the category of rape to such ambiguous extremes that to them "rape culture" includes the kind of hook-up culture that their younger spiritual descendants see as just another weekend. There was a time when (according to feminists) a woman could even decide she was raped after-the-fact, or if she was drinking then she could decide that any sexual contact was rape if she felt bad about it afterwards. And when feminists tried to broaden the category to include pretty much anything with the label of "bad sex", then that undermined the very real problem of violent rape in our culture.

They attempted to conflate any less-than-ideal sexual liaison or "demeaning to women" portrayal of sex with rape, and most porn fell within that. Yes, there were problems with the porn industry back then, from under-age performers to overt violence in the actual movies. But the industry quickly became regulated as it became prominent, putting safeguards into place to ensure no under-aged performers would be used again, and making a conscious and conscientious decision to remove violence against women from porn themes. That wasn't because they were required to by law, that was because they recognized both the hurtful message such fare sent and because they wanted to tap into the potential of a large female market that recoiled at such rough portrayals. Don't forget, there are an awful lot of women in porn, and they don't like domestic violence or sexual assault any more than any other women. Less, actually, since many performers have had negative experiences like that in their lifetimes, usually before they got to the industry.

I think we're beyond that kind of silliness as a culture now, but the 1980s contention that porn contributes to rape should be well and truly dead at this point. Thank goodness.