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Friday, August 31, 2012

Labor Day Weekend Porn Recommendations!

Some Recent Good "Couples Porn" Flicks For Your Consideration

It's been a while since I've done anything over here, since I've been working diligently on my relationship site, the Red Pill Room, so I thought I'd take the Labor Day opportunity to make a few over-due recommendations.

I get a lot of requests for recommendations for good porn.  The problem is, what constitutes “good porn” varies incredibly.  Usually I have to ask some follow-up questions: do you watch alone, or with someone else?  Is it masturbatory or purely foreplay?  What are a few of your favorite types of scenes?  Do you value production values and pretty people over authenticity and “real” people?  The answer to each and every one of these questions further influences my particular recommendations.  So you can imagine how hard it might be to recommend half-a-dozen good recent flicks, even within the categories “couples friendly” (usually meaning not a lot of anal and a little more cunnilingus) and “entertaining”.

Still, I’m a professional, and I do have my personal faves from the regular avalanche of porn I wade through every month.  The last several months have produced a decent number of quality pictures, although I doubt anyone will like them all and most of you will only prefer a few of them.  Porn is highly subjective.

But in no particular order, here are my recent faves, along with good reasons why. 

(DISCLAIMER: the links in this post go straight to a NSFW porn site.  Don’t click if you’re going to get in trouble or are offended by . . . well, naked people having sex.  I can’t even guarantee it will be good sex.  There are two sites I link to, mostly, AdultMovieMart.com and VideoGold.com.  

Adult Movie Mart is a straight-up sales site, where you can simply purchase DVDs by mail or rent-on-demand on your computer.  Adult Movie Mart is the online presence of the venerable Video Mail catalog, which has been selling good wholesome porn to the people of America (except certain jurisdictions in the South) since 1983.  Yes, you read that right.  It's a 30 year old porn company that is not only still in business, but has packs of rabid customers.  It helps that virtually every purchase comes with a free gift, a discount, or both.

Video Gold is an Adult Movie Club, just like those book and record clubs.  It's actually a pretty decent deal: you become a member and get three movies for less than $12 (+S&H) -- and their premium selection is choice.  Once you're a member, you have an obligation to purchase at least two more flicks in the next 12 months.  Every month they'll send you the Video Gold Main Attraction, which you can open and accept or return unopened and decline.  If you keep it (and it's almost always keepable and collectible) then you get charged and you fulfill one obligation.  If you decline it online or return it, there's no charge.  You also get a monthly catalog full of other selections and plenty of special deals and discounts and free gifts -- VG is pretty lavish, and they try to get the absolute best in every specialty niche market.  But their prices are lower than video-store prices, their selection is arguably better, and sometimes it's just nice to go out to the mailbox and discover a new porn video arrived.  

What I CAN guarantee is that there will be no pop-ups, viruses, or other hazards at this site(s).  These are people I work for, and although I don’t make a commission off of sales I do feel it’s appropriate to mention that they have my personal trust.  I’d not only let them have sex with my computer, I’d even call them the next day.  But yes, I do work for them.  They sell porn.  You’ve been warned.

ALSO: This weekend ONLY, one of the sites, adultmoviemart.com, is having a $1.95 blowout sale on 48 hour on-demand rentals.  That means you can watch virtually any of 1000 porn titles for less than two bucks, and have access to them for two days (in case you get. . . "distracted".  Considering most VOD sites charge in 15 minute or 5 minute increments, for those of you who like a little more entertainment in their Adult Entertainment, this is an excellent opportunity to experiment a little with some stuff you might not have ordinarily picked up at the dirty book store.  $59.95 for a DVD!?!  You have got to be kidding me!  End of disclaimer.)

Romance Picks (If You Aren’t Sure Where To Start…)

You might want to consider Intimate Encounters.  Well-shot and well-produced, this DVD packs five super hot, newbie-friendly scenes featuring some terribly pretty people.  Shot as individual vignettes (a popular style for these types of romance-oriented films) these five scenes range from the soft and gentle to the delightfully dirty.  Best yet, it’s offered with a $4.95 2-day rental option, direct to your computer, which lets you stop between vignettes for oral sex or ice cream or a bathroom break, as you see fit, and return to it later.
Other well-produced Romantic porn flicks:
Fallen (Wicked -- about a really hot fallen angel)
The Dinner Party (An early 90s film that's one of A&E's best-all-time-sellers)
A Touch Of Seduction (a rare well-produced series of romantic vignettes featuring African American performers)

If You Liked 50 Shades

For those who got hot-and-bothered by the bondage-and-submission of Fifty Shades of Grey, yet weren’t turned off by the vapid prose, consider the just-released The Truth About O.  This modern continuation of the classic BDSM tale features performer/director Bobbi Starr as O, a woman devoted to BDSM and erotic submission.

Starr is out to find a sister slave to help her please her master, James Deen. The dialogue isn’t delivered that well – remember, this is porn, if these folks had serious acting chops they’d be . . . well, acting -- but the gorgeous people and moderately intense action will make up for that for most of you. 

Beautiful Asian performer Asa Akira becomes the object of Starr’s desire, and Deen is pleased to see submissive Starr fondling the pussy of a rope-bound Akira as he meets her for the first time – and note that there will always be a fair amount of girl-girl in most bondage flicks, as boy-girl bondage is still considered obscene, lascivious, and a violation of local standards in some jurisdictions. But it’s completely consensual: Akira loves the fingering and oral she gets from pretty Bobbi Starr, and at one point would pretty much promise anything to get Deen’s cock in her pussy, she’s so turned on.  And that’s when things get a little crazy.  Akira gets a suction tube used on her tits and clit until she’s begging for an orgasm, and Starr gets hung upside down by her ankles to give Deen head.  There is some un-bound anal that’s well-done here.  Asa Akira clearly her time with Deen’s cock.  Then Bobbi Starr presents herself as a temporary gift to well-hung master Danny Wylde … and she’s the kind of gift that arrives with a glass plug in her ass (hint for Christmas, Mrs. I!). Starr is surprisingly tied up during her anal with Danny, and it’s a good one.  And there’s a fair amount of spanking, too: Starr flogs Krissy Lynn to warm her up for a powerfully intense interracial screw with Nat Turnher. Another good girl-girl scene shows hottie Justine Joli getting bound with rope and suspended by Claire Adams before Adams decides to eat Joli out. Then a bound Joli eats out Adams and Joli has a strap-on put on her so that Adams can ride her. But that’s not all—the girls break out a homemade “screwing machine” for more toy play.

Over-all this is about as hot and intense a bondage film as mainstream porn has produced – you have to go to overseas outlets or the bowels of the internet to find comparable fare, and bondage films usually lack the production values in this one.  Starr handles the camera as well as she performs in front of it, and the female direction may give a better woman’s perspective on the scenes (although they seemed pretty damn hot to me).  And to give you a more objective assessment, Adult Video News (the Variety of the pornosphere) gave it 4 out of 5 As.  If 50 Shades gave you a bad case of dewy-panties, this might be your next step on your path towards sexual servitude . . . or just a really hot date-night flick.

Folks who don’t like BDSM, whips, chains, spanking, anal, girl-girl, or often-authentic orgasms should stay away from it.  And note that the “rent it now” option gives you 48 hours internet access to it at adultmoviemart.com, if you want to watch it without buying it outright.  That’s two days to start-and-stop while you practice trying things out.  But the DVD price is comparable or lower than your local adult video store (and doesn’t even have a sticky floor) and you will almost always get either a discount, a free gift, or both with your order. 

               Fit To Be Tied: Alexis Ford
               Nina Hartley's Guide To Bondage Sex

If You Liked Spartacus: Blood & Sand and 300

If you liked 300 or Spartacus, you might enjoy The Four, a kind of XXX sequel to 300.  It received a rare AAAAAs from the critics at AVN.  Although the shooting, post-production, and distribution of the picture was hung up for years, the result is both erotic and visually pleasing, with a feel like of mainstream epic from the '50s or '60s. 

The Four in the title  (Brea Bennett, Renee Perez, Nikki Kane, Cassidey) are women of Sparta avenging the death of their king after the battle of Thermopylae (that the battle featured in the mainstream film 300 – the flick that launched a million gym memberships). Queen Gorgo (Brea Bennett), mourning her husband King Leonidas (Charles Dera), has a couple of super hot flashbacks to better, happier (and sexier) times with him that are both hot and well-shot.  But then after Thermopylae the queen and her ladies bargain with a shaman for the powers of a warrior for all four—a service for which the shaman takes a comely blonde servant as payment.  (No, he doesn’t give back two brunettes in change, although I’m sure it would be amusing). 

The sex scenes waver between stylized and realistic, with a soft camera focus giving way to tight close-ups and very contemporary-sounding groans and squeals. Sometimes the scenes are back-to-back, like when three harem girls take each other on as a prologue to Alexis Love's set-to with Xerxes—a studly Marco Banderas (with a sash tied around his hips hiding his contemporary tattoo).  Along with the sex scenes are sequences of dramatic exposition, including Brea Bennett vowing her revenge and imagining how sweet victory will taste, and Xerxes “defiling” his high priestess (and that’s quite a defiler in his loincloth) to punish her for failing to stop the Four.

As the Four get ready to attack Xerxes, the Queen leaves Plataea (Nikki Kane) behind to watch Xerxes' death from afar so she can report back to Sparta and pass along the story to her yet-unborn children. Approaching Xerxes' palace through a wilderness, Queen Gorgo meets the recently-defiled high priestess, who tells the Queen of a secret passage to Xerxes' chambers. As the Three remaining amazons avenge Sparta by killing Xerxes, Plataea sees herself with King Leonidas, leading to a triumphant ending, their son representing a reborn Sparta free of Persian influence.

The moody, stylish photography and close-up scale gives The Four the feel of an "intimate epic" – much like Starz’s Spartacus series. The production values are lavish, the original music and eye-catching scenery conspire with a stentorian scene-setting narration to build layers of depth not often seen in a porn flick.  If “going Greek” is your style, then this epic fantasy will likely please you.

See Also: Private's Gladiator (old, Euro, but entertaining)

If You Liked The Princess Bride

While some people don’t see fairy tales as erotic, the Grimm brothers certainly knew them for what they were: cautionary folk tales designed to help keep a lid on sexual tensions in later adolescence.  The medieval flavor of fairy tales gives them a certain dreamy quality in our minds, and this is the vibe Wicked Pictures taps into when it produced The Craving and The Craving II. 

Both flicks are adult fairy tales, which is actually not a new concept in porn.  But while previous treatments tried to make the stories farcical, Wicked’s adept director Brad Armstrong keeps it serious, erotic, and explosively sexy. 

Wicked and Armstrong have a long-running relationship which has allowed the award-winning Armstrong a lot more freedom than many porn directors.  And Wicked’s signature contract girl, Jessica Drake, delivers incredible performances in both films.  There’s a little anal, a lot of oral, and gorgeous, gorgeous costuming.  Acting is minimal – these vignettes aren’t particularly wordy – but the sex is scalding.  Either one of them would be good date-night fare.

If You Liked Pretty Woman

Let’s face it, if you’re feeling sexy, often you want your porn to reflect something, well, sexual.  And there’s not much more sexual than prostitution.  Portrait of a Call Girl is a quite-entertaining, erotic, well-produced and (in places) intense feature story of one young woman’s rise to become a high-end call girl.  Of course she has to go through some deliciously nasty places before she gets there, but adorable newcomer Jessie Andrews does a magnificent job.

She stars as Elle, a call girl haunted by her troubled past (aren’t there any hookers from quiet, well-adjusted suburban families?) . After getting kicked out of her house when she busts her stepdad cheating, she uses her boyfriend Sam to break into her parents house launching her life of crime.  Before long she’s working the streets of the big city, turning tricks on streetcorners. 

But is she doomed to a life of tragedy?  Or can sex act as a redemptive act, as well as a business proposition to a hooker?  Elle moves from one steamy liaison with her tricks to another, finding pleasure, pain, excitement, and intrigue in the process.  Slowly but surely she rebuilds her shattered life into something she can be at peace with.  It takes a certain kind of woman to thrive as a call girl – and Elle proves she’s the hooker with the heart of gold in the end.  Extremely well-produced and expertly directed, Portrait Of A Call Girl skips the moral judgment or “cautionary tale” route and looks instead at the intense sexuality of the world’s oldest profession.

If You Are A Hardcore Nerd

Believe it or not, there’s actually some original sci-fi made out in Chatsworth (that’s the “Hollywood of Porn”, for you novices.  Being a nerd, I’m kinda sensitive to that sort of thing, so when it happens, I like to see it. Here are a few of the (sometimes comically funny) attempts at doing original sci-fi in porn.

2040 – Wicked Pictures

This is probably the best original sf/porn flick to date: it’s a near-future movie about the end of porn.  That is, it’s about how fully-animated and fully functional physically perfect sexbots (“anibots”) might impact the porn industry.  It’s fascinating, thought-provoking, well-produced (Wicked, duh) and deliciously nasty.  It features Alektra Blue who is freakin’ fantastic – seriously, some of her best work – and Randy Spears as his own grandson, Ryan Spears.  It won 3 AVN awards and got an impressive AAAAA.

The 8th Day – Adam & Eve Productions

Post-apocalyptic epic starring Kayden Kross from Adam & Eve.  Won AVN award for best picture.  I am legally obligated not to comment on this picture.  It’s complicated.

If you liked Pirates of the Carribean…

…then you might like one of the most expensive porn flicks ever made, the hugely, insanely popular Pirates.  It won virtually every award it possibly could, and the soft-core version is hugely popular on the cable channels.  Plus, it's on sale -- $20.00 off the retail price!

If you liked . . . virtually anything you saw on television in the last 30 years…

Then you might like PARODIES!  That’s right, if you’re a fan of a mainstream show, then odds are it’s been parodied in the last few years.  Porn Parodies are seen by the industry as kind of “gate-way porn”, a way to introduce the pornless to big dicks and big boobs in a friendly, entertaining manner. 

Each of these was a unique piece, and the quality really depends upon just how attached the director was to the original show.  But if you were a Buffy fan, for instance, you won’t want to miss the Parody and be the only one in the Whedonverse to miss it.  Without further fanfare, and in no particular order, here are a smattering of some of the porn parodies that have popped up in the last few years:


Buffy The Vampire Slayer (A&E - good...but where the hell is my Firefly parody?!?)
Dallas (A&E)
The A-Team (A&E)
Sex And The City (New Sensations - I wonder what they'll talk about . . . ?)
Star Trek: The Original Series (Hustler - Exceeds expectations -- and it has Aurora Snow!)
The Golden Girls (New Sensations - GILFs. My eyes, they burn...)
Charmed (Hustler)
The Big Bang Theory (New Sensations)
True Blood (New Sensations) 
Married, With Children (Hustler - I mean, how could they not?)
The Dukes Of Hazzard (Vouyer Media - YEEEE-haaa!)
I Love Lucy (Hustler -- and it's good.  No, really.)
That 70s Show (New Sensations)
Seinfeld (New Sensations - a porn about nothing)
The Office (New Sensations)
Bewitched (X-Play)
The Munsters (Hustler)
Mork & Mindy (DreamZone)
Good Times (Evasive Angles)


Tomb Raider (Exquisite)
Zorro (Pleasure Dynasty)
Star Wars (Vivid - The ultimate porn parody -- got 5 As from AVN)
Ghostbusters (Hustler)
Avatar (Hustler - The best blue-on-blue sex I've seen since The Smurfs)
Shaft (3rd Degree - You're damn right!)
Anchorman (New Sensations - Funny as hell)
Rocky (A&E)
Saturday Night Fever (Exquisite)
Rocky Horror Picture Show (Wicked - It's just a jump to the left...)
Friday (Zero Tolerance) 
Bridesmaids (Smash Pictures)


The Simpsons (Hustler - because once you go yellow...)
Scooby Doo (New Sensations - Ruh-Roh!)
The Smurfs (Oh, Gods, yes they did.  And yes, Smurfette gets smurfed in the smurf...and she loves it!)
Family Guy (Full Spread Entertainment)
The Flinstones (New Sensations)


The Avengers (Vivid)
Batgirl (Extreme Comixxx -- and Sunny Lane's last movie)
Ironman (Extreme Comixxx - and they used the expensive $7000 suit, not the cheap $300 suit)

Spider Man (Vivid)
Supergirl (Extreme Comixxx)
Justice League (Extreme Comixxx)
Superman (Vivid)
Dark Knight (the Heath Ledger Batman)
Batman (Vivid - Think "Adam West")
Catwoman (Bluebird)

That’s my list for now – a good place to start, depending upon your idea of adult entertainment.   If you have further questions, let me know.

Oh, and the Adultmoviemart.com site (disclaimer: I work for them) is having a Labor Day Weekend Sale on all of their on-demand movies.  For two bucks you can see just about any of 1000 adult movies on-demand on your computer or other device for 48 hours.  And you don’t even have to sneak into the adult video store at 4:00am to keep you neighbors from seeing you.  

You can’t beat that with a stick.