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Monday, June 14, 2010

When the Plan Cums Together: The A Team: A XXX Parody Gets An A!

I know I raved about Batman XXX: A Porn Parody last time – and with good reason. This week I’m raving about the new The A Team parody from Adam & Eve Pictures. I got a chance to get a sneak peek of the rough cut (porn hath its privileges) and I’m impressed. In a field full of poorly imagined parody concepts (The Golden Girls? Really? Really?) it’s refreshing to see such a strong release from a relative novice in the parody category.

Like Vivid’s Batman, The A Team A XXX Parody is A&E’s first big move into the parody market, and as sex movies go, this one is strong. Directed by veteran David Lord, the plot is delightfully formulaic, just like the real show’s, so much so that the performers occasionally break the fourth wall to point it out. There are plenty of self-referential gags in the flick that, if poorly handled, would have dragged it down; luckily, they use a light hand with it, so it’s funny, not belabored.

Performances are strong: in the four iconic male leads we get Randy Spears (in a ridiculous George Peppard-esque wig) playing “Cannibal”, Evan Stone (his trademark hair still short from his delightful portrayal of Kirk in Hustler’s Star Trek and Star Trek 2 parodies) playing “Ace” and looking more like Dirk Benedict than you could hope for; Tyler Knight (fresh from his hit Tyler’s Wood parody, also from Adam & Eve) as B.A. – he might not be quite as buff as Mr. T, but who the hell is? Lastly we get a surprisingly astute performance from “Morecock” (who else?) the allegedly insane pilot, played by Scott Lyons. For me, Lyon’s performance was a major highlight of the flick, with his pants on and off. His lengthy “sponge bath” from hottie mental health nurse Chastity Lynn was smokin’ – and Chastity sucks cock like a dream!

Rounding out the cast is Adam & Eve’s contract girl, Bree Olson, as Amy. You remember Amy? She was the token chick in the show, the “ace reporter” that they kept around as an unofficial “team member” even though she only shot a gun once that I remember. Usually, she’s either the moll or the hostage. In the parody, her ex’s (Seth Gamble) abduction by a biker gang is what motivates her to seek out the A Team. Bree’s always a joy to watch work – no one takes it up the butt with a big golden smile on her face like Bree – and she holds her own in the non-sex parts. Playing Amy isn’t a big stretch, but Bree handles it like a champ. Her final screw with Randy, after the inevitable rescue, seals the deal with an all-too-short anal scene with the wigged-up wonder.

And that brings me to one of my favorite things about this flick: Five out of five scenes are anal. A&E has a rep among fans as shying away from the back door action in favor of more vanilla fare, but if that’s the case then this is a big departure. Each of the gorgeous babes in this flick take it up the butt in style. Add to that the steamy Spanish-soaked interracial tryst between Tyler Knight and Luscious Lopez (playing the biker leader’s girlfriend), and when Knight lances that big, beautiful brown ass, you can almost hear interracial angels sing about the scene.

That’s about as exotic as the flick gets, with no big final orgy for a change (although there is a nice but unlikely strip-club threesome with Evan, Sophie Dee and McKenzie Lee) but that’s not the point. This is a straight-up sex parody made by folks who loved the original show. There’s even a version of the iconic van, Morecock going crazy with regularity (and with assault rifles – nice touch), BA getting drugged before flight, and Cannibal pretending to be an old Chinese guy that’s so comical, it’s more farcical than racially offensive – you could get away with shit like that in the 80s. Reagan, remember?

My only issue, actually is that Cannibal utters his signature “I love it when a plan comes together” line before the plan actually comes together – a minor point, and one well-within the bounds of the parody pornoverse.

Considering everything Adam & Eve got right on this one, it’s hard to hold that against them.


Release date is soon -- will let you know!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Holy Homage, Batman!

The cool thing about the new Batman parody released recently by Vivid isn't that a) Vivid has finally gotten on the parody bandwagon that's currently keeping the industry vibrant or b) the sex is gloriously hot, with such superbodies as Lexi Belle (Batgirl -- an outstanding casting selection by director Axel Braun) and Tori Black (femme fatale Catwoman, another perfect choice) . . . it's that Batman does what parody is supposed to do on all the levels.

The sex is hot -- the first scene, with a delightfully psychotic Riddler (played by Evan Stone), bangs his kidnapping victim (Bruce Wayne's fiancé) in exchange for better accommodations, is a lusty romp that has the added benefit of the performers staying in character. Every scene is that hot.

But the thing that's coolest about the flick is the fact that not just the performers stay in character, but the movie does as well. All too often a parody can venture into campiness and self-referential humor about the porn industry that falls flat outside of Chatsworth. Not this time -- the flick is campy, but it's Bat-campy. It follows the spirit of the original television show brilliantly, if one can use that term for a porn flick. The sets maintain the illusion that we are not seeing a hacked-together half-assed attempt at "spoofing batman" of the 1960s in the 21st century with anachronisms popping out all over; instead we're seeing actual 60s-styles in clothes, in decor, in cars, in language. The illusion ripples every now and then, but considering how farcical some parodies can be the effort is a welcome one.

Additionally, the script (while delightfully inane in places) seeks to re-create some of the better-known moments of the beloved show. Dale Dabone's dead-on Adam West impersonation includes a stop at a go-go club where he re-creates the "Batusi" (with a little post-Pulp Fiction tongue-in-cheek humor) for instance -- just before getting a club hummer by Alexis Texas in a beehive-ish 60s hairdo. Randy Spears is a wonderful Joker, and Tori Black was made to play Catwoman (think a slinky Julie Newmar who takes it anal).

Everyone has fun with the role -- and that's the cool thing. You can tell that everyone on the set was enjoying not just getting paid real money to have sex, like they do every day, but they were all happy making a really, really cool porn parody. The medium was helpful, of course -- 60s Batman lends itself to over-the-top performances and camp in a unique way (only Star Trek comes close -- and Evan Stone nailed Kirk in both of Hustler's parodies). But there was pride in the workmanship and it shows. It's sexy. It's confident. It's entertaining.

And that's what the parodies are: a return to porn as entertainment. Sure, we stroke to it, occasionally watch it at work, but when it comes to a very special "date night" the choices are all too often either Hardcore Butt Sluts #54 or Endless Sensual Interludes, complete with jazzy new-age music -- too hard or too soft. If your woman was reluctant to begin with, then the hard stuff is often an instant turn-off which she watches mostly to humor you, and the soft stuff, intended as "female friendly", just lacks the heat, intensity, and horniness as it tries to build some semblance of plot and the cinematographer tries to work out his artistic vision -- and that leaves most dudes as limp as a noodle and bored out of their minds.

But with the parodies, both sides can be equally entertained and aroused. You don't have to pay careful attention to the plot -- you know what's going on because you know the show. You can instead enjoy the cheesy lines, the over-acting, and the in-character play wholeheartedly, and still keep your woody. Batman XXX: A Porn Parody is thus far the high-water mark (Star Trek is an arguable contender, and there have been plenty of other worthy efforts in the last year.). And it's particularly telling that the flick has a "non-sex" version, with all of the lead-up but none of the excplicit stuff. So now you can not only watch it with your wife, but you can watch it with your mother-in-law safely, too!

The possibilities are staggering . . .

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Porn: It's A Real Industry! Here are some stats

When I hear people dismiss my business as "just porn", it irritates me. And usually when people talk about the industry's stats, you don't find a lot of solid source material or reliable statistics to back up whatever claims they make. It doesn't help that most people use the words "alarming" and "insidious" when quoting the stats. They see the explosive growth of pornography, and the large number of people who admit to using it (and the likely larger number who won't admit it, even on an anonymous survey) as a bad thing. They see the thousands of workers in front of and behind the cameras as exploited and exploiters, and the money they make as somehow tainted. It doesn't matter to them that most of the people in this business are here of our own free will, we have kids to feed and bills to pay, and we pay plenty in taxes in a fairly heavily-regulated industry. "Porn people" aren't really working, apparently, from what the industry's critics say. Because sex isn't work, in their minds. Never mind the marketing, photography, advertising, etc. we pay for. Never mind that the vast majority of operations are simple "mom-and-pop" sites. None of that matters.

But here is a fairly neutral, fairly objective reporting on some actual stats, courtesy of OnLine MBA. (click to follow the link for the complete stats -- I suck at HTML). For any other industry, they would be hailed as a a healthy sign of vibrant economic expansion. The only really disturbing figure is the one about a child's first experience with porn (at age 11, according to the figures), but I can only hope that this is due to one or two utterly slack parents in the survey who have never been discreet, and are blowing the curve.

But other than that . . . Porn is a for-real-though industry.

The Stats on Internet Pornography
Via: Online MBA