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Thursday, December 29, 2011

"Ian, seen any good porn lately?"





I get asked this question hundreds of times over the holidays. And of course I have recommendations to make. Here's the ones I make and who I make them to...

Mr. Sci-Fi Action Adventure Nerd Fanboy:


Horizon (Wicked Pictures). Original sci-fi from America's classiest adult film studio. The effects are amateurish in places -- but hey, it's porn. Expectations are low. At least we're seeing some stab at original sci-fi in porn, instead of endless parodies of sci-fi. And the sex is very good, easily up to Wicked's high standards. Also recommended for horny nerd girls.

Horny goth chicks in their 30s:

The Addams Family XXX (Exquisite): Their creepy and their kooky, and their campy and their kinky . . . every goth girl's favorite Nick At Nite re-run in stunning pornovision! Great fun with an old favorite, and you can wax nostalgic as you wax your pole to yummy Wednesday Addams, all growed up.

Pornstar-obsessed compulsive masturbators:

Just Jenna 2 (Jules Jordan): If you like Jenna Haze -- and nearly everyone with a penis does -- then this Jenna-only flick is your best friend. The porn superstar knows how to screw like a sex goddess, and her slim body would give a dead man wood.

Also, give Bree & Tori (Adam & Eve) a try. Bree Olson and Tori Black? There's nothing wrong with that combination. Just ask Charlie Sheen . . .

The bitter, cynical horny divorcee in her 40s with the vibrator collection:

Bridesmaids XXX: Parody of the hit movie, this lusty look at marriage, weddings, and sex hits all the right spots.

The Big-Black-Dicks-Are-Better crowd, male and female:

Lex Steele XXX 14 (Mercenary): Lexington Steele is one of the classiest black studs in the business, and the man knows how to choose his co-stars. This interracial flick is packed with Lex packing his dick in hot white pussy with his customary aplomb. They don't call him The Black Viking for nothing. I'm sure a girl feels thoroughly plundered after Lex.

For the Young Hot Innocent Babes Are Better fellas:

Amateur Angels 23 (Adam & Eve): For years AEP had a great "casting couch" series called Amateur Angels. After a hiatus, it's back with a whole new crop of fresh-faced beauties who want to make it in the pornoverse. Directed by the capable Luc Wylder, of particular note are Adrianna and Stevie, although Cassandra certainly knows how to screw. I love the fact they brought the series back. Some people might think we have enough "fresh faced amateurs" series out there, but I beg to differ. And feel free to follow up with Digital Sin's A Young Girl's Desires 2, with adorable hottie Ashlyn Rae on the cover. You'll thank me.

Big Boob Obsessed Casual Wankers:

Another Jules Jordan title, Breast In Class: Naturally Gifted. Starring some of the biggest, bestest breastesess on the planet, including Jenna Haze, Asa Akira, Lisa Ann, Kagney Linn Karter, Kirsten Price, Katsuni, and Chanel Preston. PLUS, it's a 2-disc set. Big boobs -- gotta love 'em.

Black Booty Loving Self-Abusers:

Lexington Loves Jada, from Mercenary. Watch the Black Viking and the Queen of Black Porn mix it up every way you can. Nasty, hot, all-black action from two of the industry's most popular performers. It's a treat.

Butch lady-loving lesbians who can't stand standard girl-girl porn:

Girls Pleasing Girls (Abbey Winters): The Australian all-girl movie house puts out the best "authentic" lesbian porn outside of San Francisco -- and the girls are usually pretty choice, too. This one will please both the for-reals-lesbian crowd and the authenticity maven alike. Drooling fist-pumpers who prefer the less-intense version of girl-girl are invited to enjoy . . .

Girlfriends 3, from the gonzo wizards at 3rd Degree. Premium quality, Chatsworth-royalty pussy-eating porn princesses like Breanne Benson, Gracie Glam, Lexi Belle, Allie Haze, Julia Ann, April O’Neil, Alexis Texas, Brooklyn Lee, Chanel Preston, and more. They're hot, they're well-produced, and they're pros. And at least half of them are actually bi-sexual, too.

MILF-loving Pole Polishers:

Like the older ladies? While far from the "mature" category, the babes in The Cougar Club 3 are experienced, sexy, and utterly ready to hump any dick in sight. What more could you ask for? Stars Alexandra Silk, Raylene, Briana Banks, Inari Vachs, and Dyanna Lauren.

Fellatio Aficionados:

Down Your Throat 7 (Smash Pictures). 12 girls who sincerely love the dick.

And that's just a start. If you want specific recommendations, feel free to send me an email with your desires, and I'll find something to recommend to your tastes. That's what I'm here for.

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