Ian Ironwood Is Here To Take Your Questions!

Need advice? Want to share some intriguing sexual information? Heard about something sexy and obscure and want to know more? Ask an expert Sex Nerd!

NO SEXUAL QUESTION TOO HARD! OR TOO SOFT!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Nerd Girl Hall Of Fame: Temperance Brennan

Dr. Temperance Brennan ("Bones")








Shows like CSI and other procedurals can't hold a candle to the hit crime drama, Bones -- and it's not because of David Borneaz's hunky shoulders. It's because of the ultra-nerdy Dr. Temperance Brennan, a forensic anthropologist (see? I'm aroused already) who works at the Jeffersonian Institute, amongst an army of fellow nerds who figure out the identity of unknown human remains.







Dr. Brennan ("Bones" -- she specializes in them) is not overtly sexy -- indeed, it's her understated sexuality that makes her so appealing. On the show she rarely goes for the revealing, sticking instead to the tasteful -- but somehow that just makes her more attractive, not less. Bones has a smokin' body and a striking face (thanks in large part to Emily Deschanel's gorgeous bod), but it's her mind that's the sexy thing here.






Oh, she's no blushing virgin on the show -- in fact, her detached demeanor and empirical world-view make her almost refreshingly blunt about sex -- and she has her share of geeky partners over the show's many seasons. Dr. Brennan's distinct lack of social issues surrounding sex, and her logical, rational approach to . . . well, everything, including sex, gives  her an allure that you just can't buy with a garter belt and stockings. Indeed, it's her disdain for poorly-conceived cultural ideas about mating that makes her a hottie. You just can't have a brain that stuffed full








of amazing facts and laser-beam logic and take a divine prohibition against masturbation seriously, for instance.





It doesn't hurt that she surrounds herself with a lab full of doting geeks -- the female of the species in this case unusually attractive for a non-profit scientist, on the whole -- who see her genius surpassing their own, and don't resent it. Her best friend Angela is an image specialist with a far more common take on sexual matters -- and it is she, therefore, who advises Brennan on the lustier parts of the books she writes in her spare time. Angela's a perfect counterpoint to the stoic, Vulcan-like elegance of Brennan, a grown-up hippy chick who was just too darn brainy to spend her life backpacking through India. But her earthiness isn't the attraction in the show, it's clearly designed to act as a contrast to the distant, detached sexuality of the show's primary.





Therefore it is my pleasure to announce Dr. Temperance Brennan as this week's fictional Nerd Girl Hall of Fame inductee. Skeletal microfissures indicating a time of death have never been so sexy.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Dirtiest. Blues Song. Ever.

Just had to share: As a scholar of the historically raunchy, I was captivated by this early 20th century recording of what has to be the filthiest, most sexually aggressive blues song I've ever heard. I'm in awe of how dirty it is, and appreciative of the culture from which it sprang.

The title? "Shave 'Em Dry". It's sung by Lucille Bogan, and recorded in the 1930s. If there was ever any doubt of the overtly sexual nature of the blues, this jaunty little tune should put a bullet in it.

Check it out, courtesy our friends from Fleshbot.


Monday, November 15, 2010

A Harlot With A Heart Of Gold


I've never in my life patronized a prostitute, but since I started working in the sex industry I've met a few. There were no less than four legal brothels represented at last year's AVN show, and I enjoyed talking to the very friendly (and very expensive!) ladies who were working the booths. There was the hooker I met in the casino who, when I mentioned I was visiting Vegas with my wife, was considerate enough to include her in the proposal for a nominal fee (for the record, while amused, we never seriously considered such a thing! Old married couple . . .) And I've recently learned that an acquaintance of mine occasionally meets men in airport hotel bars as a side business, much to my surprise. Actually, more like shock -- you would never guess, to look at her.

So I have the utmost respect for a woman who has a true vocation for sex work. While theoretically any woman could do the job, in practice only a few have the mental and physical skills to stick with the rough business for any length of time. But in this crappy economy, despite the dangers and risks involved I can see why a woman with few other options might consider the profession. And while the tawdry cheap trick pulled by the common streetwalker is, unfortunately, the usual method of a sex-for-money transaction happening, thanks to the Internet, Craig's List (at least, it used to be) and an entrepreneurial spirit, a small but growing class of independent women offering sexual services in a safe and sane environment is thriving.

Some of these women are former professionals who can't find work in their fields and want to trade on their youthful good looks and sex appeal between assignments. Some are single moms who find "working" a few days a month preferable to welfare lines and food stamps and late child support payments. And some are just naturally drawn to the profession for no other reason than that they are really, really good at it, and they enjoy both the work and rewards.

Are their problems with prostitution in America? Of course there are. And for every "happy hooker" or "pretty woman" story out there, there are hundreds of horror stories of sexual exploitation, rape, drug addiction, and the like. In far too many cases a woman is prostituted against her will, or even trafficked specifically for sex.

I'm not ignoring the inherent dangers of the profession one bit, nor am I endorsing or even recommending it -- I'm merely observing a trend. The fact is, like so many other industries prostitution has seen a productivity boom thanks to the Web. The anonymity of the internet and disposable cell phones make it much easier for a woman to get into the business as an independent operator, without a pimp, and cultivate a small, loyal clientele without automatically falling victim to all the horrors that prostitution can bring. Consider them sexual entrepreneurs or the cutting edge of a 21st century cottage industry, but these ladies are pursuing their clients just like any other small business -- and that includes specials, group discounts, and options.

But this is the first time I've seen a "scarlet woman" who is offering a canned food drive promotion. (Props to Creamer for forwarding this to me.)

The woman who ran this on her blog uses the trade name "Norah", and by her website's account she's an
"attractive and discreet lady. Very friendly. I provide adult companionship services and sensual full-body rubs"
. . . and last week, as you can see, she even provided a military service discount for Veterans' Day. Plus she works frequently near military bases.

A patriotic prostitute.

But it's the canned food drive that gets me. Norah's offering $10 off her normal rate (which runs around $200 an hour) for 5 cans or boxes of non-perishable food. It's not a lot. And having some experience with what it takes to execute even a small-scale canned-food drive, I can assure you that it's an effort. But this North Carolina lady is clearly trying to do her part to alleviate the suffering of others in her community, and doing so without being apologetic for her profession. It's unlikely she's going to get any credit for her work -- and doubtful she really wants recognition, as she prides herself in her ads on her discretion -- but one cannot help but appreciate what this one woman is doing in a difficult time.

Patriotic and compassionate.

This isn't going to change the minds of those who condemn prostitutes or prostitution -- but perhaps it might show even those people that by de-humanizing the sex workers with cries of slut shaming that these ladies are real people, people who care about their community and their clients. Sure, they're in it for the cash. But not every hooker is a money-grubbing, self-centered wench, as Norah clearly demonstrates.

Some harlots really do have a heart of gold . . . and the price of gold is sky-high right now. Take that metaphor for what you will.

I'm not going to publish her contact information here, but I'm willing to forward it to those who likewise wish to honor Norah . . . in whatever capacity. Nutjobs need not apply.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Exclusive Alexis Texas Interview Coming Soon!


I had the wonderful opportunity to interview one of the biggest stars in the pornoverse yesterday, the fabulous Alexis Texas! It was arranged by one of my clients at the lovely Adam & Eve campus (A&E is, incidentally, celebrating 40 Years of business this year, a monumental accomplishment in an industry where companies can go into and out of business over the course of months) and taped. As soon as the edits are done, of course, I'll be posting it here in my Pornstar Interviews section.


Initial impressions? Tall. Tall but very nice. Alexis towers over most of the other performers I've had the pleasure of interviewing, and (with the addition of some absolutely smokin' high-heeled boots) her universally famous big booty looks almost slender in proportion.

Funny story: as part of the interview, I asked her about her well-known romantic connection to fellow adult performer, Mr. Pete. Of course I asked her about their sex-life, the most intimate details of their romance.

But I didn't ask her about her marital status . . . because I didn't want to get too personal!



Only in porn, folks. Only in porn.

So immediately after the interview, one of the folks at A&E kindly informed me that Alexis and Pete were married this past summer. Congratulations to you both, and may you have many happy years together in front of the camera and off-camera!

Alexis Texas is a class act, folks. And she's an outstanding performer. I just got the very earliest edit of her upcoming flick for A&E, Teagan Presley's The Six, where she does a stunning girl-girl scene with Teagan (an A&E contract star whom I hope to interview soon!), and her work in the kinky powerhouse D2: Deviance 2 was phenomenal. Of course I really love her for her parody work, including her roles in the parodies for Cheers, the
Office, the Dukes of Hazzard,
and others, but she impressed me the most with her outstanding scene in Batman: A XXX Parody (the one spoofing the old Adam West show, not the newer, darker Dark Night version) in which she delivers an absolutely phenomenal blowjob to Dale Dabone in the middle of a go-go dancing club in a beehive hairdo. That capped what was an otherwise brilliant parody for me (well, that and Evan Stone as the Riddler cackling maniacally and waving his pecker around . . . good times . . .).



(Of course the DVD I got her to autograph was the Star Trek DVD. I am a Nerd, after all.)

Anyway, I'll be posting the interview in its entirety after it comes back from post-production. In the meantime, feast your eyes on the finest ass in the galaxy!